I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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