tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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