I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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