I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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