she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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