So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
