So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
