I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
