I hate all girls vehemently.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
