OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
