Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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