dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
