I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
