Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
