In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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