I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
