I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
