I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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