First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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