Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize