the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
