i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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