i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
