I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
