You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
