omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
