Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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