I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
