If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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