he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
