Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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