The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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