Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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