i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
