Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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