walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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