hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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