You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
