Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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