The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
