U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
