Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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