My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
