Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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