yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
