Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
