Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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