I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
