Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
