my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
