there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
