Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
