I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
