On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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