Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
