So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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